I have to admit that I have been procrastinating about writing this post. Its no secret that I am morbidly obese, and it really is more the miracle that I am sitting here at 1:30 am waiting to catch a flight to Miami where I am excitedly going to participate in the Miami Marathon! But that only gets me so far.
I have had a long and difficult relationship with food for almost my whole life. I don't really remember a time where I was not overweight. I sort of recall a moment in the first grade where I felt like something broke in me and it was after that that I started to gain weight and set myself on a path to food addiction and compulsive overeating.
I have done it all. All the diet programmes and Overeater's anonymous. I am not going to comment on any of these things specifically- except to say that I think 12 step programmes are amazing- even if you don't figure out how to work it completely, or ever find the willingness, there are key things that one can take away.
This entry is not about why these things have not been lasting successes for me. And I don't really want to hear about it either, if you have an opinion about why it did not work for me. I have my professional people I deal with and feel like its a miracle that I have been maintaining my weight, even though it is very high for long enough that I am getting sick of my clothing instead of out growing it. For the first time in my life.
At my checkup this past fall, all my bloods were good except my triglycerides. I made arrangements with a dietician and she and I are working on how to change my food plan so that it addresses the triglyceride issue as well as my ongoing training.
Since meeting with her, I have been more mindful in general. I don't know if I have lost weight and honestly, I don't care. I really just want to be able to live with my food plan and solve the triglyceride issue and not boomerang into gaining a hundred pounds, which tends to be how these things have worked for me over the years. Following a food plan tends to get me triggered like crazy.
Anyways, I am working on it. Eating not very much sugar (it was never my biggest issue) and trying really hard to increase my fruit and vegetable intake as well as my complex carbs. So far, me and my dietician are pretty happy with my mindfulness and I am finding that it is easier to accommodate the more I think of it.
I suppose you are going to hear a lot from me in the next few days! After all, we are sitting here, waiting for the plane that is taking us to the marathon!